Allioli is not mayonnaise with garlic

Not real allioli

The Caterer from Hell strikes again, this time attempting to “cook” allioli.

Except they basically mashed industrial mayonnaise with garlic, and called it aioli, and they still went and slept at night instead of turning in bed every half an hour, haunted by the terrible horrors they had awakened.

Ingredients aside, the texture looks wrong, with all those lumps. It looks off. And it didn’t smell of garlic at all. Good allioli packs such a punch you can smell it from a distance.

  • Grossness level: 7/10. Why do they keep pretending they know what they are doing?
  • Offense amount: 8/10. It has mayonnaise. An AMERICAN mayonnaise. There’s nothing Spanish about this.
  • Would I give it a go? NO!!!!!!!!! I’d rather not get food poisoning, thank you very much.

The “Spanish omelette” that looked like a cheese tower

Deceptive "Spanish omelette"

A Certain Caterer (let’s leave the criminals unnamed) just does not get Spanish food, but insists in trying, often with terrible results.

I mean, just look at that.

I initially thought this was cheese. Like maybe red cheddar mixed with manchego? But why would they be displayed like this?, I wondered…

Well, because they are not cheese, but a “Spanish omelette”.

Except they seem to have missed the memo that said “omelettes are a dish of beaten eggs”. So there are just a few streaks of egg scattered around, instead of warmly hugging the potatoes in a snuggly embrace.

And the potatoes look desperately uncooked, more like they tried to bake them, so they could get a bunch of portions with just one tray, but gave up half way because it was taking too much time and they were late for the delivery, so they just took them out and served them raw. Who is going to notice, right?

And that’s how you end with this abomination 😱

  • Grossness level: 8/10. This is extremely disgusting.
  • Offense amount: High. You’re insulting such a Spanish staple with this subpar attempt.
  • Would I give it a go? NO. FREAKING. WAY. 🤐

Chickpea omelette

This morning, I was wondering what to have for breakfast when I remembered I had a bunch of chickpeas leftover from yesterday’s dish: rice with Swiss chard. And I had an idea: why not have a chickpea omelette?

Like that dish, this is also a very economical dish, and quite easy to make. The hardest skill required is to know how to flip the omelette without breaking it, so I wrote a post explaining how to do that. Continue reading “Chickpea omelette”

Banana porridge

Banana porridge

After a dine out experience that gave us a sort of funny tummy, we were feeling in dire need of a soothing breakfast, so I figured that a porridge would be a good answer to that need!

Ingredients

  • 40-45 grams of oats per person
  • 250 ml of liquid (milk, coconut milk, or any type of “mylk” or “m*lk” you like) per person
  • Half a ripe banana per person
  • Cinnamon

Optional toppings:

  • Coconut
  • Hazelnuts
  • Chia seeds
  • Dried cranberries
  • A dash of kefir
  • Sugar or syrup or sweetener

Preparation

This will take about 30 minutes, depending on how many people are you cooking for.

  1. Place the milk and oats on a pot, and turn the heat on to a high setting
  2. Bring to a boil
  3. Allow to simmer for about 15 minutes, or until the oats are fairly ‘swollen’. Perhaps add more liquid during cooking if they have absorbed too much of it! Stir frequently so nothing gets stuck to the pot, and the result gets creamier.
  4. In parallel, you can peel and slice the banana(s)
  5. Place on deep bowls or dishes.
  6. Add sweetener to taste – I added a dash of agave syrup on top. Since you’re using cinnamon and banana, which is naturally sweet you don’t need to add a lot of sugar to the oatmeal
  7. Add cinnamon… and any other toppings you fancy!

Once you have the base, this is all about adding whatever you like (or have handy). For example, I added the sliced bananas, then a bunch of dried coconut, some hazelnuts, dried cranberries and chia seeds which look really cool and in theory have a lot of protein but there’s so few of them they can’t really make much of a difference 😜

I’ll admit I normally I cook porridge in the same bowl, with the microwave, but if you’re cooking for two (or more) it’s just easier to use the stove. Plus, it allows you to better control the dryness of the mixture and you can correct on the spot if it’s getting too dry 🙂